"You know, you're nearing adulthood."
"Yes, I am very aware of that. Why?"
"Have you found a partner yet?"
"No. Never thought it was necessary."
"But how will I have grandchildren? You know life is a lot more enjoyable with them."
"But mom," you hear yourself saying. "I'm not interested in either."
And everything was silent for a few seconds.
Before you hear everyone trying to get on your case and asking for reasons why.
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Did my family respond positively?
No.
Have I ever bothered to care about that?
Also no.
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Asexuality = a lack of sexual attraction, to put it briefly. It does not define a person's feelings about intercourse.
To make this easier to understand, think of it as not being thirsty when you've been offered a drink. You see the beverage, acknowledge its presence, but you don't feel the urge to drink it at all.
It's as simple as that.
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The LGBTQ-munity includes everyone who isn't cishet (cisgender, heterosexual, and heteroromantic). If someone is asexual, then they aren't heterosexual - and therefore aren't cishet.
Now, some asexuals may choose to not think themselves as part of the community - but it's honestly up to their opinion.
No one else apart from themselves have any right to have a say regarding who they're attracted to. Because they are the person who knows themselves best.
Yes, aces can experience romantic attraction.
I know I can, after being close friends and getting to know them for a long time.
Just because someone is asexual, it doesn't mean they're aromantic or part of the aro spectrum (which includes demi (only experiencing attraction after an emotional bond was formed) and grey (rare experiencing attraction)). And the same goes for the opposite.
(In case you're wondering why I didn't choose to use some random image of an ace pride flag, let's just say I'm not in the mood to cite images.)
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A list of thoughts I had before I realized I'm asexual :
"I don't care how someone looks. I only care about their personality."
"I'm not too interested in dating. I want to focus on school for now. Besides, I don't have a free schedule most of the time."
"Do people actually experience whatever goes on in those love songs?"
"f I had to choose someone to spend the rest of my life with, wouldn't I want someone from my family or best friend?"
"I don't get it. What do you mean 'love at first sight' is a real thing?"
"I'll never have kids. I'll just get pet bunnies. Or maybe a cat. I want emotional support animals."
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Apart from relationships, there are also children to consider as well.
Except I'm not interested as well.
Babies can be adorable. I know that. But the two things I value a lot apart from personal relationships are sleep and free time. I also know I will receive neither if I raise children. Besides, I doubt I can afford to have one.
Additionally, both depression and anxiety can be genetic. I don't want to risk passing down those conditions to anyone. Not to mention those who have depressive disorders are at a greater risk for postpartum depression than those who don't.
I have way too many problems to deal with, and I know that I will never forgive myself if I mess up someone else's life (especially my own kid) because of them.
Generally speaking, I would be a horrible mother since I can barely take care of myself, let alone a child.
If I have children, what if they try to attempt suicide like I did? What if their problems are so much worse than mine? What if because of the way their brain distorts things, they see nothing but pain and suffering instead of love and happiness in their home? And what if my own mental health takes a bad turn?
Besides, I derive no comfort from knowing I can create life. It is an annoyance, rather. The whole 'nurturing something from youth and watching its mind grow and take shape' has always seemed like something a pet was a far better fit for.
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On a lighter note, I just want to be that one eccentric single aunt who breaks into my friends’ houses during the New Years just to ask for their red packets and leave… if you know what I mean.
Furthermore, I'm studying to be a psychologist - so if you're feeling stressed out over your life (especially concerning the multiple problems stemming from relationships and children) you can just seek me out for mental help.
It benefits both parties : you get therapy, and I get paid.
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